I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
porn star boner night. come get it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
