My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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