You're a womanizer and a bitch.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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