I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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