I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
