shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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