I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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