Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is it because I queefed?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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