Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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