I CAN MOONWALK!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
can u get pink eye on your cock?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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