someone get that fucking seahorse.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
