Pants 0. Shit 1.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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