Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
