I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize