That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
