I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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