Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
