Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize