I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
