hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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