I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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