I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
