I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
