shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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