And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think your dad took our porno
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize