Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
