I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
