just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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