I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
