remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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