I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
