I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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