dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
