the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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