i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Naked Twister starts at high noon
whose ass print is on the piano?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
