I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
