Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
