Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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