Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
