So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
