eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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