"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize
