Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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