Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Two words: nipple clamps
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