Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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