chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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