Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
