Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
