Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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