She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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