She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
