I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
