I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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