Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
