9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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