You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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