that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
