yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
