I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
