I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
