I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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