I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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