dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
