what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
