I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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